Oh, Hell No

Commentary Editor

    According to an article on Breitbart.com, Benny Shanon, a professor at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, claims Moses was high during the story of the burning bush.

   Shanon claimed Moses partook of the bark of the acacia tree causing him to see the bush on fire and to hear God’s voice.

   Not only am I enraged Shanon disputed the Holy Bible, but I am also disgusted that a man hailing from Jerusalem could even propose such an outlandish allegation.

   What purpose would it serve to say Moses turned hippie and rolled a fat one? I figure Shanon is a non-believer and wants to prove the Holy Bible to be rubbish in an attempt to deter God’s followers.

    I wonder how Shanon would explain other bizarre events in the Holy Bible. I suppose when Moses parted the Red Sea with his staff the Hebrews and Egyptians were also high. They must have an abundance of acacia trees in that area for that many people, or maybe they had little fanny packs with the bark inside it and hid the papers under their sandal straps.

    In my opinion, I believe Moses was a brave and lucky man, who being watched carefully by God, learned to trust Him. I do not think it was a coincidence Moses survived riding in a basket where he could have been eaten or drowned and was, instead, found by royalty.

   Shanon probably thinks there was no baby at all and Pharoah’s daughter, who pulled Moses from the water, had acacia bark with her.

   A few things Shanon forgot to mention was acacia trees are found worldwide and serve many purposes. Acacia extract is found in common things such as Barq’s root beer, diabetic foods, ice cream, chocolate and Altoids, to name a few. I happen to enjoy the occasional root beer and sadly haven’t engaged in conversation with the Lord, but I’m thinking Shanon needs an Altoid.

   Not to freshen his breath, but to freshen his thinking. 

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