Getting Frisky

Commentary Editor

   Try to imagine this ...

   You're at home and hear a unexplainable noise.

   Of course you go to the the window to investigate and to your astonishment you witness your neighbor on his back porch doing something appalling.

   According to Fox News, the neighbors of Art Price Jr. of Bellevue, Ohio, videotaped Price as he stood nude on his back porch with a patio table on its side. Price used the hole on the table that held the removable umbrella as a way to sexually manipulate himself. If that isn't weird enough, school children were playing roughly 100 yards away on a school playground. After obtaining their proof with the videotape, the neighbors called the police and Price was arrested, yet this wasn't the first call the police received concerning Price and the table's affair.

   There were three other occasions where the neighbors reported Price's strange behavior, but the police did nothing.

   So I guess it's OK if you stand nude on the porch getting frisky with the table as long as it's only once or twice. The police are at fault for not stopping him sooner, but of course you have those people who think since it happened on his property he should be able to do what he pleases.

   Not as long as it negatively affects people around you!

   When I heard about this happening, I immediately thought the man must be mentally ill, really ugly or just desperate, but unbelievably Price is married and has three children. I understand some people that make up our society have some weird ideas about sex, but there is a better place to express your "unique" ideas. If Price had such a high libido, he could've went the more acceptable route and got freaky with his wife or made friends with a vacuum cleaner behind closed doors.

   As the story progressed, I found myself just plain old pissed off when I discovered Price only participated in this activity during the time range from 10:30 a.m. to noon. The time when the school children across the road had recess. In other words, Price displayed this act on purpose for the voyeurism from the innocent children playing across the road.

   Though Price admitted to the acts, the police officers released him. This could allow another opportunity for Price to continue with his indecent exposure or possibly do something worse. I'm hoping the police are investigating any other sexual misconduct and hopefully the courts will get this man to the first available bed of the nearest psychiatric inpatient facility.

   I just wonder if Price's wife knew he was behaving indecently with an inanimate object while publicly naked? And what about Price's own children? Did he engage in sexual fantasies with them? His poor children are going to go through hell if they stay in Bellevue, but I suppose Price didn't take that into account when he was committing adultery with his outdoor furniture.

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