Texting in Relationships: How Does it Impact You?

Commentary Editor

Graphic by Douglas Boultinghouse

   Text messaging is a fast, easy and sometimes cheap way to communicate. Texting rapidly replaces cell phone calls between romantic partners. Although it seems instantly gratifying, in the long run it could be unhealthy to some relationships.

   Texting uses limited characters to convey a message. These short messages are referred to as short message service or SMS.  

   It also diminishes  tones causing the receiver to misinterpret the message and abbreviating too much can cause confusion with the message altogether.  Long pauses can be interpreted as avoidance.

   According to Nicole Beland a relationship expert, texting can be good for relationships except when it is abused. She suggest sending “sweet nothings” like “Hey qt” which means hey cutie.

   On the positive side, text messaging provides a more discreet way of communicating. If couples know each other, less misunderstandings occur because of their ability to interpret each other’s mood.

  Chad Turner, a senior secondary education major, said he sent text messages  in past relationships more than he has called. He said texting is easier and you can sneak and text while at work or in class.

   “I admit I have ended a relationship with someone through texting because I  was upset and wanted to be through with the situation,” Turner said.

   He said he feels texting in relationships is beneficial because you can send a text letting that person know you are thinking about them.

   One student saw the negative effects of texting in her relationship and the couple decided to take action.

   Natisha Lambert, an early childhood education major, said she and her boyfriend always sent text messages and hardly talked. She said they began arguing more because of misunderstandings and decided to limit their texting time to when their schedules conflicted. She said she hopes it will strengthen their relationship and communication with each other.

   Psychologist Diana Kirschner, the author of “Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love”  gives 10 deadly texting mistakes to avoid when you are dating or in a relationship:

1.  Texting is a good way to reach out and follow up with someone you've just met. It is a more immediate way of telling the person you're interested and would like to see him/her again. But if the text is too long and you're running on about stuff that has nothing to do with your date, it can be an immediate turn-off; your new connection may suddenly disappear into the dating netherworlds.
2. Similarly, if you're just starting out, don't over-text.  This behavior can be interpreted as being overanxious. Remember you're just testing the waters. As the relationship becomes more serious, you can slowly increase the frequency of communications in order to plan things together, get emotional support or advice, and ultimately to send love messages.
3.  Mass texting to ask people out on a date is a desperate act and will backfire later if people compare notes.
4.  Texting during a date is simply bad manners.  SMSing when you're conversing with someone else is as rude as taking an unnecessary call. What do you think it says about you?
5.  Similarly, using text as a habitual way of avoiding speaking on the phone with a partner or lover is sometimes the shy way out and doing so will never get you over your communication fears.  You have to come face-to-face with your partner and practice straight truthful talk in order to have a whole and lasting relationship.
6.  Revealing something embarrassing in writing is never a good idea. Lewd or overly sexual remarks can catch the recipient off-guard (as at work) and compromise or fluster them. The message can also be shown to others -- making you look like a less-than-stellar catch.
7.  Late night texts should be avoided. While many people turn their phones off at night, others forget to do so and there's nothing more annoying than those beeps awakening you.  Worse than that, women can often see late night texts as simple booty calls and find them extremely insulting.
8.  Too many steamy or romantic texts make you come across as desperate, needy and intrusive in a love relationship. Remember that less is more. Therefore, wait until your partner responds before you retext.
9.  Breaking up with someone by text is a definite no-no. Ending a love relationship in this way or by email are signs of cowardice and disrespect both toward yourself and the other person. If at all possible deliver the bad news in person or at the very least in a phone conversation.
10.  Driving and texting don't mix. It’s dangerous and your date will rightly worry about your judgment.
    

      Texting can impact a relationship. How it impacts the relationship solely depends on the individuals involved.

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