Psi Psi Holds 'Domestic Violence Forum'

Staff Writer

Photo by Leisha Johnson

A Voice of Experience - Brenda Noble, director of Options Incorporated, addresses the Psi Psi Domestic Violence Forum on women's shelter's services. Noble talked about the the different types of abuse and what someone can do to help a friend in an abusive situation.

   Psi Psi held a “Domestic Violence Forum” as part of their “Stop the Violence 2009” program in the Memorial Classroom Building Auditorium Oct. 29.

   They asked Brenda Noble, director of Options Incorporated, a shelter for battered women and their children, to speak at the meeting.

   “The Options’ shelter opened in 1989… (Options) provides services dealing with battered women and their children…counseling, food, clothing…things that aide a family that is displaced from home,”
Noble said.

    Noble also said that there are several types of abuse, including spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical.

    “The worst thing ever is for someone to think that they should have power over another person,” Noble said.

    Noble went on to say, “Batterers say negative things all day, then the next day, say nice things…this confuses the domestic violence victim and it is hard to get them out of a relationship like that.”

    Noble explains that abusive personalities are a learned condition. She said people are not born abusive … you are dealing with immature, childish, manipulative and controlling individuals.

   The abusive relationship is centered on that one person, and no one else, especially not the victim.

   “That’s what domestic violence is all about. It’s a once-sided relationship,” Noble said.

    The director also mentioned several facts, including the “Rule of Thumb Law,” which states that a husband can beat his wife with a stick no wider than his thumb. Virginia was the last stated to abolish this law. Noble also stated that the first women’s shelter opened in Arkansas in the late 70s.

    Noble explains that domestic violence cases are hard to fight in court.

   “It’s thought of as being a family problem, ” Noble says. "But it’s really a public problem."

   She talked about how one of our biggest problems is not holding the abuser accountable. Many times a victim is held responsible for their own victimization.
   
   Noble said it’s ludicrous…in the law system, they will ask (the victim), ‘What did you do to cause him to do this?’” Noble explained how the victim begin to think that it is her fault. Noble  described how abuse need stop and everyone should be held accountable for their own behavior.

   "As an organization, Options has for the past 20 years tried to bring the community together," Noble said. "So that we can stop the blame game, of blaming the victims…if it doesn’t stop, domestic violence will get worse.”

   When asked about the signs of an abusive relationship, Noble explained most abusers have real low self-esteem and see everything as a threat. Victims become isolated because of their partner’s jealous of the victim's friends and family.  

   When asked how one should deal with a friend who might be a victim. Noble said to let her know that she is a valuable and important person and doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment; there is help available.

Photo By Leisha Johnson

Question and Answer Session - Larry Livers, Psi Psi Chapter member,  reads a list of True and False statements about Domestic Violence. The group discussed why victims do not leave abusive situations.

   The director explains that Options’ services are free to all domestic violence victims, including court and legal advocacy, clothing, food, counseling, school supplies and more.

   With tears in her eyes, Noble told a little about her own past and how she was in an abusive relationship at the age of 21.

   Noble explained that the main two things that keep a person from getting out of that relationship is, “shame and thinking that they cannot make it on their own.”

   “As a 21 year old with a three year old child…if I can make it, anyone can, if they want it bad enough," Noble said.

   Several students and a couple of professors attended the meeting. After Brenda Noble left, the members of the Psi Psi Chapter held a “Question and Answer” section of the meeting. Several people discussed reasons why someone in an abusive relationship would not leave.

   J. Freer, a professor of Social Work, explained that after a victim is abused, there is a “Honeymoon period…buying gifts, being nice, and then (the abuse) escalates again…what makes it stop is to demand it to stop.”

   Near the end of the meeting, some members of the Psi Psi Chapter passed out information sheets on domestic violence.

   After the group discussed several true and false statements, Hiram Sumlin, member of the Psi Psi Chapter, said that the main thing is to “Know who you are getting involved with take the time to get to know them.”

   Options Incorporated is located on 110 North Main Street in Monticello. For more information about Options, one can go to their Web site.

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